Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Me: Hi, my name is Nikki. Blog readers: Hi, Nikki.

I’m going to be brutally honest with you today. If you can’t handle the self deprecation and whining, stop reading now. Go check out a happier blog post. I have a lot of them before this one.

DIGRESSION: Out of the 1 billion blogs on the internet I’m pretty sure .86 billion of those are for whining. I don’t want to hear your whining. The whole world certainly doesn’t want to hear your whining. Most of your friends would prefer if you would just shut up. Please let me help you. Go to a bookstore or Wal-mart or your personal computer and buy a journal or notebook or open a word processor and write your whinings there. Then close your chosen apparatus and feel better about whatever was bothering you. That way if you ever become famous no one can you words that you published freely against you. Or if you never become famous your mother-in-law, or future mother-in-law if you wish to one day become married, won’t be able to hold those words said in self pity and anger against you. END DIGRESSION

My husband left for Afghanistan a week ago. I usually give myself a grieving period of 3 days when he leaves for a long time. And by grieving I usually mean playing a game my most favorite Joshilyn Jackson calls “What can I eat?” I am the most professional champ of this game even though I HATE it. I hate it with the fire of 1,000 suns. (If you want to know how this game is played check out this post.) But the thing is that I have taken this game to a new level. I MAKE things to eat that are generally not ok for dinner. Example: If I want something sweet and don’t have any cookies or chocolate in the house I’ll make a bowl of frosting and eat it. ALL OF IT. IN ONE SITTING.

While I’m eating whatever I’ve made I’m usually thinking, “Why am I doing this? I don’t want to eat all this. After this bite I’m going to stop. After this bite I’m going to stop. Now I’m really going to stop. I’m stopping. I just have to eat this one side to make it look even with the other side. I am a horrible person for eating all this.”

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Sad, no?

It has to stop. I didn’t stop after the 3 day grieving process. On day 5 I went to the commissary and bought lots of healthy foods like spinach and fish with plans of stopping the madness. Day 6 started well but it ended with chicken fingers, French fries, chocolate fudge brownie ice cream and cheesecake.

What better way to stop a destructive behavior than to admit on a public forum that you make icing for the intent of eating it from the bowl and that you followed chocolaty ice cream with a whopping piece of cheesecake and that I bought brownie mix for the sole purpose of eating the batter? Wait, I hadn’t mentioned the brownie batter before. More ammo for y’all to keep me in line with.


  1. Hi, Nikki!
    I've been there. The only thing that snaps me out of it is a few good workouts and making something (other than food). You can do it!! :)

  2. I'm soooo right there with you. Obviously, I don't have as good a reason to be eating the frosting, but I have, and I'm sure I will again. Hang in there, chica!

  3. Oh, um, yeah. I've done the frosting thing but I dipped graham crackers into the frosting -- like, a million little graham cracker sticks that came in bags. The thing is . . . you know it has an entire stick of butter and piles of powdered sugar or it wouldn't seem quite so bad.

    Do I whine on my blog? I hope not.

  4. I loved your digression. LOL I feel like I've been complaining nonstop lately. I took your advice though a few minutes ago while commenting on another blog. There was so much I wanted to say but it was all negative. I've made a deal with myself that I need to be more positive. No more complaining or whining.

    I can so relate to what you've been going through--the bad eating part when feeling down, I mean. You described my behavior this weekend to a capital T. :-S I'm not strong enough to post it on a public forum though--at least not more public than this. :-)

    Take care of yourself, Nikki.

  5. Nancy, I don't think you whine on your blog. You give updates on your life which is some of the reason I love your blog. I really feel like I get to know you through it.

    Wendy, being positive is tough! It's something I have to work at everyday. And don't worry, my military sisters have me in good hands.


You are a lovely person.